I think I’ve got it. Despite a low at night it's been 7.3 and 7.4 and 5.9 and so on yesterday. But now as it always happens after a long period in the no-clue-land-of-extreme-blood-glucose-numbers, when I’m finally back to the sunny side of one digit numbers, I’m so scared to do something wrong, even a tiny little thing that will send me back into the gloomy scary place. And I think being worried doesn’t actually help the situation, as it has been proven soooo many times that me worrying results in such a bg jump, which Pluschenko can only dream about. So breathe in, breathe out, relax and let it flow, I guess.

A For Instance – Yesterday

17.5 – woke up, 6:30 (Dear God! %#^&!!! ... frantically grab the insulin pen, feeling absolutely AWFUL, killing headache and pain all over, vision is so blurry can hardly make out the numbers on the meter, head is anvil heavy and spinning so much I feel like I'm on a Merry-Go-Round, feel poisoned)

11.5 – after correction (far from perfect but getting there)

7 – before breakfast (feeling woozy as bg dropped more than 10 points in just a couple of hours)

5.7 – 2 hours after eating (obviously the correction is still working)

5.3 – before lunch (I really need food – starving!)

4.3 – 2 hours after lunch (did I eat? Snack!)

9 – before dinner

12.7 – 1 hour after dinner (hmmm, suppose to be right, right? as it was just 1 hour)

5.7 – 3 am (just checking)

11.6 – woke up, 6:30 (ok, that’s already better but what the hell???)

Update

Despite the promises of regular postings I've disappeared yet again for all the valid reasons of course but that's not an excuse. So time for an update, even if it is rather modest and bulleted.

• I've traded Humalog for NovoRapid, as Humalog hurt a lot when injected. NovoRapid doesn't hurt and I LOVE the pen it comes with!!!! Though still haven't figured out if it has the same effect on my bg.
  
• I changed the endo! Yey!!!! for me! As my previous one was a walking anecdote and was only good for writing prescriptions, oh wait, not even for that! every time he wrote a prescription for me the whole drugstore team had to put their heads together to figure out what did he mean by that. I think they put them on a special bulletin board with the title of "The Most Cryptic Prescriptions By The Doctors Who Don't Know A *** " But that's in the past now and I'm looking forward to see my new endo in April, I heard he's great and with a good sense of humor! I'll tell you all about him. Oh by the way, that was the first time I complained in the hospital, but hey if it got me a new doc, why not, may be I should do it more often.
  
• And actually I did. To my diabetic nurse, who is an angel and a lifesaver when it comes to saving lives. I complained about the horrible Lantus pen, which always leaves me confused and scared whether I got the right dose or not. So she gave me TWO new Opticlicks that work so much better, no fuss with inserting the cartridges at all!!! I'm probably the least updated diabetic there is, right? hence the absence of the pump still. Coming to that now ...
  
• Pump. I was thinking and planning and making pro - con lists for a while - it's a big decision even if everyone and everything is screaming of it's obvious advantages, it's still quite a change in the daily diabetes regime. So I was finally ready to go ahead with it when my beloved bg's got so out of hand, and here comes a scary part - almost a month ago!!!!! Yes ladies and gentlemen, I've been struggling with the most terrifying bg's (up till 20!!!) for almost a month now and let me tell you this - I'm scared. A lot. A lot, a lot, a lot!!!!! I have no clue why they are acting so crazy. I've tried everything! and then some more. Yes, I did have some outrageous amounts of stress and not so good news lately, but that seems to come in order now and I can even sleep at nights again, but hey, not so quick, the 14s and 17s keep me awake with a terrible headache and restlessness and make me run to the toilet quite a lot. I seriously don't know what to do anymore and neither does my diabetic team. Any advice? Please!
  

For the rest, whoooh ... too much negativity on my poor head and way too much life’s unfairness but I’m not going to bother you with it, I can just say it seems to go better now and hopefully very soon it will be all solved out and I’ll be able to tell you good news.

The craziest cat I've ever seen

Scary cat)), originally uploaded by Kat A.

Isn't this something? My sister's cat making faces and looking just a little bit drunk.

lovely lists ...

[. profile . ]

freakishly organised
red bull addict
sickeningly realistic
perfectionist
genetically programmed for striving and achieving
believer in myself
confident but insecure at times
bookworm

[ . i can . ]

think
drive you crazy
drive
be super sweet
create
solve
lead
learn quick
adopt easily
work hard
communicate

[ . i can't . ]

be one of many in the crowd
live in utopia
sing
sit still
do nothing
pretend

A Praise for Lists

I like lists. Correction - I looove lists!!! I love them so much I have lists of lists sometimes. I think lists if not a great organisational tool than at least a wonderful tool to trick yourself that everything is organised and nothing forgotten, so you can peacefully go to sleep at night without frantically making the lists of things to do in your head trying to remember if you missed something. It's a great thing to make your life easier.

Post-its are another amazing invention. Putting small notes around the house or at work - precious, should remember though not to carry away to avoid the Bruce Almighty situation. All in all it gives me a relax feeling to know that I have a precise list of appointments for this week in my diary or a detailed list of clothes to take on a weekend trip, otherwise I'd spend hours on thinking what to wear (girls out there I'm sure can relate) or a grocery list so I won't forget some of the essential ingredients for the dinner in my after-work-tired-brain-stand-by state. So I'm the biggest fan!

Crossing everything off, well, realistically happened once or twice, so I give myself a fair margin to not get stressed when I never manage to cross out all the items. I usually end up transferring the left-overs to the yet another list to give them another chance, and if they are not crossed out again, may be they weren't that important in the first place.

Therefore, I have lots of lists and notebooks full of lists laying around and I thought it might be funny sharing them here on the blog from time to time. But don't worry, I'm not going to bother you with groceries or bills-to-pay lists. This is about all the other lists I like to make at different points of my life, like aliens I'd like to meet, or awards I'd like to win or 100 silly phrases I want to learn in Japanese etc.

Back again

I know it has been a while since my last post, I have disappeared without a warning from my otherwise pretty regularly updated blog, but it's been busy.

Busy at work, and reading those 3 words I still don't believe I actually typed them ,as my work and busy just don't normally go together.

It's been busy trying to crawl out of a black whole, which is quite difficult when you don't know where the whole actually begins or ends. It was a tough beginning of the year for me for many reasons I'm not going to bore you with, most of them didn't go away, but at least I changed my attitude and now February is so much better with me feeling happy again. It was very hard to find energy again, to find the will to fight and even hope seemed to vanish, which is in my opinion the last to go.

But I'm better now and planning to stay this way, and also write more often again.