I was making some pictures of the marvelous white icy trees outside our home window, a present of the Christmasy weather we have been enjoying in the Hague. And then I realized I have some more pictures made earlier this year of the exact same trees. Isn't nature amazing?
... 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, beep ... 16.7 ... deep sigh ... "well at least it's stable" I hear my boyfriend saying picking over my shoulder, an attempt for a joke I guess.
" ... and the award for the best low treatment goes to ... Please welcome the brightest, the fastest, the tastiest and simply the best - Skittles!!!" (applause growing into a standing ovation)
This link below is to the most hilarious video with kittens I've seen in years!!! Watch it, you won't regret it!
Посмотреть ролик <--- the link (in case Russian is confusing :) )
The author of the video is Tatyana, the owner of GREGORI al GATO, where we've got our cutie pie.
First thing my cat does when I come home is running to the kitchen sink indicating he wants me to open the water. He's nuts about it. He drinks, he plays, he washes his paws, he puts his head under, he splashes and catches, he bites the water or he tries ... and so on and so on until he is totally wet and I have to dry him with a towel.
Oh boy, oh boy!!! I promise myself every day, correction: almost every day, I'm going to write something here and then ... no I don't find something more interesting to do, but that tricky feeling of laziness finds me and I leave it till next day again or better till Monday. FYI: I still read all my favourite blogs. You know who you are. If you don't, please feel free to march straight to the comments section and demand an explanation from me on how come you missed that memo.
Oh dear heavens, it's been buuuusy lately!!! A trip to France, new job, building up hours at work, still figuring out the pump (most of the time it's figuring out how to make it cooperate with the outfit I'm wearing, similar to Kerri's dilemma, which indeed usually ends with changing into something else), juggling numerous friends staying over on weekends, congratulating other numerous friends with their new borns, and reading the last Harry Potter book, boy that book sucks!
Dear HP friends, please don't be offended, I'm a big fan myself but I can't help it, I tried and I tried and I tried some more but I can't make myself like the last book. I'm sorry but if I had a kid under 12, no actually, make it under 32, which would make me a mum with a kid that is older than I am, but anyway, I wouldn't let him/her read it. It's full of violence and anger and violence. I can imagine the author wanted to make the last book phenomenal, but I think she overdid it. At some points it's way too much and on the other hand, sometimes it's plain boring. Sorry to outburst about a HP book, I was just so disappointed. I even switched to a different book in the middle of reading for some positiveness, because I was feeling like HP was putting me into depression.
Did I mention a new job? Ya, I did. Well I didn't switch companies, just switched jobs within the company. I like the company after all more than I thought I did. Although I have been looking for a job somewhere else but that search is stopped now, as I love my new position!!! Now I'm undergoing lots of trainings and my head is exploding from all the new information but I love it. Sorry can't tell you much about it, all the confidentiality agreements, you know. And no, I don't work for FBI.
Hold on a sec, quick bg check. ....... 4.8 , hmmm ... sensing time for a snack approaching.
So about the trip to France. I have turned 25 a couple of weeks ago, yap, big and round 25. Everyone is talking about a quarter of the life, I don't know, feels more like a half. But anyway, somehow I wanted to celebrate it big and fun and away just me and my boyfriend. We didn't had vacation together this summer so a long weekend together sounded very good to both of us. It has been quite busy and stressful lately with all kind of staff and we wanted something fun and far from every day reality. So first to thought came France waltsing in pretty glamorous lights. I mean you think France, you think Paris, you think romantic, right? Plus France for us is perfect, far from home and at the same time not far to drive (5 hours). Perfect! Then I thought why not add to it a bit of fun and go to Disneyland and voila, we have our perfect relaxing romantic fun detoxing weekend.
We had such a great time! It was amazing! All that time together and in the perfect location for celebrating birthdays. Mmmm ... :) We didn't want to leave. Just look at our happy faces ...
Oh and I tried on every hat and ears they were selling in Disney shops, and cuddle almost every toy, so much fun!!! I'm such a child
So wonderful trip, new exciting job, terrific boyfriend, I love you honey! So far I like the start of my second quarter, of the year number 26.
Was it really a month? A month or a little over a month since I've written here? Oh well, time flies, especially if it's summer time. Lots have happened over such a short period of time that I found it difficult to choose the subject to write about and was postponing my comeback to the blog world :)
From the pleasant days of last month:
My sister came to visit and we spent a wonderful week together in the Hague and another even more marvelous week in Spain enjoying the sun and the sea. almost purring from pleasure spending whole time on the beach. Doing nothing but swimming, laying on the beach, reading, walking, eating, drinking sangria and basically relaxing reflected extremely good on my sugars. For the whole trip my insulin daily totals decreased by at least 40%! I felt terrific! Vacation - goooood!!!
I had a couple of my first funny pump related encounters at the airports. In Schiphol at the customs:
-"Could you please remove your cell phone from your jeans pocket?"
-"Sorry, I can't. It's not a cell phone, it's a direct line with my pancreas, it must stay open at all times."
At the Palma airport in Spain after beeping at the metal detector.
-"Could you please step over here?" a guy with a hand metal detecting thingy ready to make an extra check and then spotting a clip on my jeans pocket reading "Medtronic MiniMed" (I wear my pump inside the pocket so only the clip is visible). The guard's next question:
-"Diabetica?" Me:
-"Yes" The guard gesturing me to go further without checking me:
-"You can go."
I was a bit surprised at such a knowledgeable reaction after countless times explaining to many people that what I have clipped to my pocket is not a mobile or an mp3.
I'm learning more and more about the pump and it's going really good with it. I love my little blue gadget more and more every day. I've just started to get to know the amazing bolus wizard and there's still some negotiations needed in order to convince it to cooperate but apparently life can be so much easier.
From the not so pleasant days of last month:
My vision suddenly decreased enormously without any obvious reason. One day I just started to see less and less and at some point wasn't even able to read anything from anywhere unless the letters were the size of the billboards' ones.
I've had the retinopathy for the last 2 years already (I totally don't believe those people who say they have diabetes for over 30 years and no complications; they should recheck if they have diabetes in the first place). But so far it was not major and some laser treatment twice a year was doing the trick.
But apparently besides the diabetes I have some other factors effecting my vision (I'm not going to bore you with medical details), which in combination with the diabetes make a deadly serious partnership making me see only 20% with my left eye and 40% with my right eye, which is 50% in total against all the mathematical laws.
That would be half the tragedy for a person without diabetes as there is a surgery available for such a condition, which might help to improve the vision by about 30% but, and of course there is a but, the surgery is not allowed for people with diabetes on account that there is a chance of complete blindness. Is this nightmare ever going to end?
I can't help but think if I'm only 25 now, what's going to be when I'm 35? 45? 55? am I even going to live till then?
Sorry to be coming back with rather negative thoughts, although they are not negative at all, it's only human to be scared, right?
I've been on the pump for almost 3 weeks now. I'm loving it! Where have I been before? Oh, ya, right, I was fighting my doctors to allow me to go on the pump, which took 7 months. But nevertheless, I'm on, I'm happy, I never felt more free with diabetes in my life.
without my pump crushing any lines or the color theme, I'm happy! 
And I'm off the CGM. Why? I'm afraid to disappoint you Scott but instead of helping me it was confusing me like crazy. I asked many people for advice and I heard from people who are using it more than once that it's all more about the patterns rather than exact numbers, but still somehow my CGM wasn't even catching the patterns correctly most of the time. I just found myself not trusting it even when it was right. And the funny thing I was actually testing more often with the CGM than without it.
And the patterns, well yes sometimes they do indicate the true situation, but I had times when it said I was going high when in reality I was going low. So as I said, I had difficulties trusting that thing.
On the more positive and fun note, I got totally jealous of Caro (wait, it'll get positive, I promise) of her groovy site look that I ordered some groovy patches as well. I'm loving them!
Had 3 lows over the past 10 hours, THREE. over the past TEN hours. Needless to say I'm falling from exhaustion. Oh, and did I mention I'm using an CGM sensor for the last two days that suppose to alarm me if I go high or low? Well, it did, yah, when I was already 2.5 (45) and treating the low.
- "Beeep" reads: "I'm terribly sorry to interrupt but your blood glucose is low", just kidding, "LOW 4.9 (88)"
- "You don't say. Thank you very much, but I'm 2.5 (45) actualy and I've already taken my juice like 10 minutes ago. Where have YOU been?".
In 15 minutes:
- "Beeep" "LOW 4.6 (82)".
- "Well, you know I am indeed 4.6 (82), but that's actually good, that means my sugars are climbing up, the juice is working."
In 10 minutes:
- "Beeep" "LOW 4.8 (86)"
- "Well, just @#$%, will you!"
- "I'll try my best" - just kidding again.
So after changing 3 bad sites in less than 24 hours it became clear that silhouette sets, which my diabetic nurse made me swear I'm going to use, don't cut it for me. After burning pains, bleeding, and sugars of 15 setting their roots what seemed permanently in my daily life I tried the quick set and bam! sugars are back to the 6-land, my stomach doesn't feel like there were hot nails planted into it and I don't want to torn violently the sets out of my body. Those silhouette sets really sucked for me and spoiled the first days of experience with the pump. But now it works perfectly, clean site feeling as it belongs there naturally.
Besides fighting bad sites in the weekend we also had my boyfriend's parents over for a couple of days. We talked a lot, we drove a lot, we saw a lot and I have to admit drank some bit a lot as well. We've been to a very pretty Delft but forgot a camera, been to the SeaLife in Scheveningen, saw Dorry there from "Finding Nemo" and some other awesome sea creatures that made me yet again admire the big artist called nature.
If I urged anyone by the previous post to reach for the phone and call the mental house, you can postpone the restraining jacket just for now, I'm much better now :) Needed to let some steam out. Now can breathe again, though not really, it's very warm outside and no air movement.
I have not seen my sugars today lower than 14, yes fourteen! taking more and more insulin with every hour, hardly ate any carbs today but the stubborn meter shows the same numbers and my throat desperately demanding water all the time.
It's only TWO days left till the pump!!! How happy am I? I don't expect miracles but it definitely can't get any worse. Oh, no more shots on almost every 2 hours basis (yes, it's been that bad for me lately), no more alarm at 3 at night for testing and taking insulin, no more trips to the ladies' at work for injections, no more "can anyone remember if I took my Lantus?", just no more.
Though there will be: oh dear summer clothes, where can I stick my pump on you? how the hell don't I get suffocated by all the tubing at night? what do I tell people when I suddenly start beeping or vibrating or have to reach under my skirt or in my bra? how not to kill the romance with the whole scene of equipment sticking out and hanging on me? does the color of the shoes suppose to match the color of the pump? - ok, that one is a joke but I'm totally serious about all the previous questions.
Oh and this I totally stole from Allison:
1. When you looked at yourself in the mirror today, what was the first thing you thought? Are my eyes open because I don't see much. When eyes open: ha, not so bad.
2. How much cash do you have on you? ehm, no idea, some, enough for lunch and parking.
3. What's a word that rhymes with DOOR? Something dirty came to mind and not entirely appropriate, so I'll go with floor.
4. Favorite planet? Well, Earth, I live here, it's pretty cool.
5. Who is the 4th person on your missed call list on your cell phone? Unknown. That unknown has been calling for the whole day like 20 times in total, and whenever I pick up, he or she just hangs up.
6. What is your favorite ring tone on your phone? Changes all the time. Currently I have a song by Ashley Simpson "L.O.V.E."
7. What shirt are you wearing? It's a cute black summer top.
8. Do you label yourself? No.
9. Name the brand of the shoes you're currently wearing: Zara. ok, don't laugh, I usually have more expensive shoes on my feet, but these particular ones are so cute and comfortable. They're summer shoes, checked of black, beige and a bit golden colors with two cute black ribbons.
10. Bright or Dark Room? Bright, full of sunshine.
11. Why is there always a missing question? Why is there always a missing answer?
12. What does your watch look like? It's a black, round, rather big one from Guess with lots of bling-bling all around.
13. What were you doing at midnight last night? Watching the first dream.
14. What did your last text message you received on your cell phone say? "Ha, ha! See you soon. Love you! xxx"
15. Where is your nearest 7-11? I don't think they exist in the Netherlands, so I'm guessing the nearest is going to be in England.
16. What's a word that you say a lot? For instance - that's two, but I say that a lot, people even make fun of it.
17. Who told you he/she loved you last? My boyfriend this morning before leaving for work.
18. Last furry thing you touched? Sema, my cat, the furriest :)
19. How many drugs have you done in the last three days? Let's see, insulin obviously and some stuff for the killing headache.
20. How many rolls of film do you need developed? who develops film?
21. Favorite age you have been so far? from 4 (earliest I can remember) till 9 (at 9 I got diagnosed) and from 20 up till now has been almost perfect with the huge exception of 22 - confusing?
22. Your worst enemy? Myself
23. What is your current desktop picture? A funny one of me and my cat.
24. What was the last thing you said to someone? "Stop putting your tail in my coke." to my cat, who did you think?
25. If you had to choose between a million bucks or to be able to fly, what would it be? Million, I'm afraid of heights.
26. Do you like someone? Many people. As a particular someone? Yes, my boyfriend, which is lucky considering that he and I live together ;)
27. The last song you listened to? One by Glukoza
28. What time of day were you born? Somewhere around 11pm on Friday may I add.
29. What's your favorite number? 7, also 17 as it is a lucky one for me.
30. Where did you live in 1987? I was 5, so a safe answer would be with my parents :) in Surgut, that's in Siberia in Russia.
31. Are you jealous of anyone? Healthy people.
32. Is anyone jealous of you? I wish not but I know for sure some are.
33. Where were you when 9/11 happened? Just started university, one of the first days after classes, all of us saw the terrible news on one of the TVs in the hall of the uni.
34. What do you do when vending machines steal your money? Give them some more - pathetic, I know.
35. Do you consider yourself kind? Yes I do.
36. If you had to get a tattoo, where would it be? Never wanted one, so can't tell.
37. If you could be fluent in any other language, what would it be? Dutch would be nice, as I live in the Netherlands, also French and German, they are just convenient to know for work.
38. Would you move for the person you loved? I did, although I rather stayed than moved, and he did as well, so it was a compromise, but yes I would.
39. Are you touchy-feely? Only with my boyfriend for the rest quite opposite. Shocks me every time when a stranger touches my arm or my back.
40. What's your life motto? Live. And I mean live and not exist, live as being happy, learning, enjoying, feeling, experiencing, finding one self. For the rest: "everything is possible if you really want something", "be true to yourself" and "find what you want, otherwise you're forced to like what you don't want".
41. Name three things you have on you at all times: At all times is not possible, but most of the times on me - clothes, my rings and earrings, with me - insulin, meter and phone.
42. What's your favorite town/city? I love Moscow, Paris, Prague and of course The Hague, as I live here.
43. What was the last thing you paid for with cash? My lunch at work.
44. When was the last time you wrote a letter to someone on paper and mailed it? Oh my, years and years ago, back in high school I think to my best friend who moved to England for studying.
45. Can you change the oil on a car? Oil, no, putting petrol in is as far as I go.
46. Your first love: what is the last thing you heard about him/her? He's at work, very busy, going to be home around 7. I never loved before my current boyfriend appeared in the picture, as for the crushes, back at high school, the only thing I know is that he turned into a very nasty person over the years.
47. How far back do you know your ancestry? Not far, not further than great-great-grandmothers.
48. The last time you dressed fancy, what did you wear and why did you dress fancy? Probably last New Year's. It's a family tradition always to dress fancy for the new years. A skirt with roses pattern and a black top, I also had a matching jacket for the skirt but it was too warm. But than again I dress quite fancy for work on a daily basis, same skirts and dresses.
49. Does anything hurt on your body right now? One of my feet, I have been sitting on it for the last hour.
50. Have you ever been burned by love? Who hasn't?
51. Do you have a crush on any bloggers? I'm not gonna tell :)
52. Where would you like to live? Same place as I live now, but I'd love my family to live a bit closer.
Have you ever got a feeling of a desperate need of being someone else for a while? To be a complete different person, with a totally different appearance and different perception of life? I have a sort of crazy feeling like this at the moment. I have this awful itching craving to get out of my own skin; my body has not been kind to me lately and I just so want to feel what it's like to be inside a healthy one. You know what they say: "healthy spirit in a healthy body". I think it's starting to get too much on my spirits. Or may be it's the other way around, my mind got polluted and it's effecting my body?
Either way I feel like I'm going crazy and don't recognize myself anymore. May be that's where the need to get out is coming from. The constant wish to run. I feel rather like screaming or hiding, or both at the same time. I don't know what's going on but one thing is definite - I don't like it. Am I having some kind of middle life crisis? Is it what a menopause feels like? Are these the symptoms of a splitting personality? Ok, first two are a bit a stretch considering I'm only 24 but the last one might be an option.
I'm pulled and pushed in so many directions, but none of them does even come close to matching the point on the life map that reads "Me". I am having a middle life crisis, but than again with having diabetes may be 24 is the middle of life - sorry, dark humor, I'm not in the sunniest of moods.
Sorry, I didn't mean to burst out like this, especially when I'm not sure what I'm bursting out about. Am I angry? am I tired? am I fed up? but than with what? I'm too exhausted to figure it out. That's the thing - I don't want to think anymore about anything, as thoughts are driving me crazy, they're making my brains boil.
We have officially moved! As a virgin owner of a home I have to say it's overwhelming and one of the best feelings. For the last week (has it been a week already?) I have been reluctant to move further than couple of meters from the apartment, I have a separation anxiety and still enjoying and absorbing every little detail about it. Home sweet home.
Of course it's still in progress and I have strong suspicions it will remain this way for the rest of the year. We're still waiting for some furniture to arrive, which is the reason why I'm cramped on the floor right now with a laptop and can't feel one of my feet. There are still empty spaces, boxes yet to be unpacked, missing lights and stuff like laundry baskets or our names on the door, but despite all that, it's amazing and I'm so so happy we finally moved!
In the other exciting news - I finally convinced my doctors or there was a full moon last week or something in the water, whatever is the reason I'm now officially cleared for starting on the pump. Oh my, did that take energy to arrange! So the historical date - June 11, which is probably going to be marked in my calendar from now on as a significant day of achievement by my stubbornness. So it's really going to happen now. I already ordered all the supplies, my diabetic nurse insists I use silhuete sets and not the quick sets, which I would prefer, but at this point I don't care, just plug me in, please!
It's finally here! Well actually they are finally here! Both a pump AND a sensor!!! Big grin on my face :) I've already lost hope but got the sensor after all. Don't ask me how, it took looots of effort and time. But it is here! Even though it's a bulky old version and not a new cool tiny equivalent, I'm very very happy nonetheless :)
As I mentioned in my previous blog my mom came to visit for a week. We got so lucky with the weather, the whole week was really warm and sunny and NO rain. There's probably just one such week in a whole year and we caught it! So we took advantage of such a miracle and went to whole lot of cool places around the Netherlands and even Belgium. (Chrissie, I loved it there, especially the architecture and amazing shops!)
We visited Antwerpen.
Me and Klaas, my honey.
Me and my mom
We went to Keukenhof full of colors and the most amazing tulips and flower carpets.
We even have been to the beach it was so warm (by the way it's not us on the sun beds, it was warm but not that warm).
Enjoyed the park ...
... and many more. We enjoyed it a lot! Everything looks prettier in the bright spring sun :)
